Monologue on the way home ' or why he can't be me
By Lisa Bosse
Last night I couldn't find my way home.
How will this make you feel?
I mean you need to understand. I will come all the way from home and then placed in this room, that isn't mine. I'll miss my intimacy and when I go outside it will not be my environment, my shell of protection. So what am I supposed to do? I even thought of painting all across the white walls, pissing in the corners, like a dog marking its territory.
Does the idea coming from Berlin to London make you feel uncomfortable?
In the beginning - yes. Meanwhile I see it as a chance to break free, break free from my studio, leave all my white canvases behind and try new things.
I have ideas that I carried all the way here with me. But I'll need to find a solution how to realise my ideas without actually getting anywhere or achieving results.
What is your relationship with the white canvas?
Well you know how it normally is when you prepare for an exhibition. You suffer from this pressure of producing and creating the right thing and delivering results. I mean the pressure from outside is immense. And there I stand in my studio and the fear of the white canvas is overwhelming me. It penetrates my eyes and from there it seems to crawl all through my body, filling every vein and corner with pure anxiety.
What is not perfect with the white canvas?
In fact I am not dealing with white canvases anymore. Soon it will be a whole room, empty, white, large and threatening. I have to deal with it. All these ideas keep on crossing my mind what to do.
Now, I decided I want to create a system. I am asking myself, how can I create chaos, like I have at home. A chaos that makes me feel like being back home and gives me the feeling of contentment. You need to understand, I will be confronted with exceptional circumstances.
What will be your relationship with your audience? Do you think you will have a good relationship with your audience?
I suppose I will feel a little exposed the moment someone enters my space. I am left in this room all week long and then the people come in on the weekend, intruding the room with their bodies like a finger poking into fresh pudding for a taster. I want to construct a set up that communicates without exposure. Do you know what I mean?
Tell me more about that.
Well, maybe I WILL do an exhibition each weekend. Everything is scattered around, but deliberately. Everything is planned out to manipulate my audience, to create an illusion. No, no ' it always comes down to one thing: white rooms, white canvases, they are my problem. I feel all exposed.
Unfortunately we are running out of time. Will I see you again next week?
I am afraid, next week I am going home.